Closet Fascination

A blog about a journey, smoking, not smoking, vaping and everything in between


Strange and Beautiful

Strange and Beautiful- Chapter Thirteen

I have finally updated this story, although I foresee that future updates might take me awhile as my muse for this story has left. I think it is partially due to my shift away from cigarettes as a focus in my real life. I suspect it might take me a bit to wrap the story up, although I think it could be done within about 7 parts, maybe even less. Mel still needs to confront her family which should happen pretty soon as well as her non-university friends. And I have to wrap Lindsay’s story up too, although I do know how that ends. I was just looking right now as to what classifies as a short story and I have definitely gone past that. This is almost a novella, and I know it will never reach the length of a novel. It is safe to say I have never written a story this long before.

Anyhow, for those of you reading this, enjoy. Here is the link: Strange and Beautiful- Chapter Thirteen


Oodles of Free Time

Since I finished my practicum, I have no clue what to do with myself. My practicum was insanely busy because that is the type of profession teaching is. You pour your heart and soul into it and you hope to get back what you put in. I hope to find a job soon, but in this economy even the public sector is suffering because of budget cuts.

Boredom often sets me fantasizing about smoking again. But that is as far as I have taken it. Truthfully, smoking will always be better in my fantasy than it is in real life. For every good real life experience, I have a bad. My best recent experience was the the four cigarette streak I had last May. The one that scared me into not smoking again. The wedding was okay- but was more of a thrill to be smoking semi-publicly or at least in front of people I know. I think due to my fetish the experience is almost too built up in my mind.

To fill my time, I’ve been doing some holiday baking. It was supposed to be stuff that I was going to give away, but alas I let it sit out for too long and in my boredom I’ve become the cookie monster. It is really quite horrible.

Another activity I have been undertaking to fill my time is writing my story. Chapter Twelve is now up and awaiting you. And there will end my ramble for the night. Hope everyone had a good one.

Last Cigarette Ever- A Review

This is sort of a mini-review on the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother, which happens to be one of my favourite sit-coms. Actually it is the only sit-com I watch. Tonight, they had an entire episode on smoking. It was actually pretty funny. I was a little scared it would end up being a giant PSA on quitting smoking, but it was actually just really funny. Especially the part where Marshall is kicking the shit out of his thirteen year old self for ever trying smoking.

Marshall at thirteen: “This is my first and last cigarette ever.” I think I thought something similar. I wonder if anyone ever means it or merely uses that as their internal excuse to try or do something that involves inhaling delicious toxins into their bodies.

I also really liked the part where Barney talks about how he only smokes for certain occasions. Post-coital, coital and pre-coital etc. Then they ask him why he smoking and he says, “I’m always pre-coital, Ted.”

Sure they did put a lot of negatives and everything was exaggerated, but that was what made it so hilarious. What is especially interesting, is none of the characters quit that episode. But I doubt that we will ever see smoking on the show again. The only time we saw some smoking before, was Colbie Smulders who plays Robyn, enjoying one in the bathtub.

Some of the characters made more convincing smokers than others. The least convincing was Lily, although they did give her this kick-ass man voice.

What does make me sad, is the only way they could have smoking on the show is by framing it as being “The Last Cigarette Ever”.

Here is the trailer:

Also- I have posted chapter 10 and chapter 11 of Strange and Beautiful. I think I will wrap it up soon. Or I’m going to try… I’ve pretty much taken the idea and characters where I wanted to, I just need to tie up some loose ends.

Cigarette Fantasies- The Sequel

Although I do not really have time to write an extended post, I feel as though I need to comment on last nights events. For more background, you might want to read the first Cigarette Fantasies post where I was first introduced to Hot Cousin. I saw Hot Cousin rather unexpectedly last night. Right now, I am pretty much overworked and really feel no desire to do said work so it wasn’t too hard for my two ex-roommates to convince me to come over to their house for some drinks and some games.

As we made our approach to the gates of the condo complex, we see my roommate’s boyfriend and Hot Cousin standing at the gate. I saw the cloud of smoke from Hot Cousin’s beautiful exhale before I realized who it was. It was my fantasy from so many months ago come true. Hot Cousin was smoking cigarettes again. Guys smoking is hit or miss for me. Sometimes it turns me on, but most often guys do not have the style I crave. They rarely smoke the cigarette like they love it and often just smoke it like they are trying to get the job done. For a guy to mesmerize me with their smoking, there has to be certain amount of romance to their smoking. They have to really look like they love it. Hot Cousin is quite good at this. He channels cool black and white movie stars of the past and you can tell he is unashamed of his smoking and that he loves it just by the way he inhales and exhales.

Hot Cousin is the real life embodiment of the character Drew from Strange and Beautiful. At least his smoking style is…

Of course, this has sent me into fantasies along the lines of going out at buying cigarettes for myself. What stops me now, is that smoking often is never as good in real life as I make it out to be in my fantasies. Or more importantly- how good I remember it to be from back when I was 18. I’ve had more adverse effects in my past year of experimentation that, no matter how strong my fetish cravings are, I fear I have made myself sick a few too many times to actually want to smoke cigarettes in real life. As far as my health goes, it is probably a good thing that my sense of self-preservation has kicked in. But, the other part of me is sad that I cannot indulge sporadically without sickness- at least not beyond a few puffs here or there.

I still plan on exploring other smoking options- ones that do not necessarily involve inhaling. I’m not sure they will have the same fetish allure that cigarettes have for me, but- the idea of still being able to play with smoke, exhale it- appeals to me. And on that note, I am making myself get back to work. In another two weeks I will start working on a new chapter of Strange and Beautiful. The story ideas are all in my head, I just need the time to write them down.

Areas to Explore

I have not had much desire to smoke lately, despite having plenty of opportunity. I always thought that as soon as I moved into my new place, it would not be long before I got so bored with living alone that I would be running out to one of the numerous convenience stores that seem to surround my new place.

I find this an interesting development, but probably not entirely surprising. I think part of what really excited me about smoking was the secrecy and hiding it from my roommates. Now that I pretty know I would get away with as much smoking (as least on my balcony) as I would like, it makes it less desirable. I think as much as I “hated” sneaking around, I kind of liked it too.

What is even more interesting, is that lately I have felt more of a desire to branch out into other forms of tobacco consumption. I found this You Tuber that posts videos of her smoking her pipe.
This one is one of my favourites:

I guess what I attracts me to the pipe has nothing to do with sex. I don’t really have a fetish for pipes, but I am curious about them because of how good they smell. Cigarette smoke is sometimes offensive. Pipe smoke always smells really inviting. I also like the idea that you cannot be in a hurry to enjoy a pipe. It seems like a hobby (?) that would be almost meditative which I would gather is why many people find it to be so relaxing.

I also have a bit of a desire to try cigar smoking and hookah smoking. I guess anything where I can see smoke coming out of my mouth piques my interest.

Tonight, I finally had a chance to work on the story. The update is here. I actually wrote chapter 9 a few weeks ago and found I moved way too fast. When I re-read it, I realized that I skipped over many crucial moments. I think what I wrote will be able to be adapted for a later chapter. As a warning, in this chapter, I start to get a bit more explicit. That’s all for tonight. Hope you enjoy this installment and until next time…goodbye.

Story Update

I just posted Chapter Four of Strange and Beautiful. Hope those of you that are following enjoy. Chapter Five is on its way. I actually wanted to make sure I knew where the story was going before I posted this chapter.

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