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Closet Fascination

A blog about a journey, smoking, not smoking, vaping and everything in between

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smoking fiction

On a roll…

So I drove by myself a lot this weekend, meaning I spent a lot of time thinking about how Strange and Beautiful might go. I have the story outlined until where it began initially so now I just have to get it written out.

The unfortunate side effect of writing smoking fiction or even outlining possible story lines for smoking fiction is it made me really want to smoke. The urge was the worst when I was hungry. If I hadn’t correctly identified what I really needed, I was pretty close to buying a pack of cigarettes today.  I had the exact scheme and even how I’d get away with smoking it before I got home to my husband.

But I don’t want to start that again, where I’m smoking behind his back and I really don’t actually want to start smoking, despite what my fantasies say. That is what my 9 months of vaping and subsequent quit gave me. I’m able to separate reality vs fantasy. The urge I had today was the type that frequently led to me purchasing cigarettes and smoking in the past, but I guess I figured out how to ride these out.

What worked for those of you looking for tips: knowing that my desire in the moment no matter how big, was not bigger than my desire to be honest with myself, not start smoking again and also recognizing that it was all in my head, not from a legitimate need. I needed food and I think because I was thinking about my story, my brain was like you need to smoke. To be fair, when I was actively using nicotine that typically is how I felt when I needed to vape.

Anyhow, I got home and instead of doing chores or what not, I started to pen Chapter 24. So here it is: Chapter 24. Enjoy!

An Update of Sorts

I thought I would write an update of sorts. Life is pretty good for me right now. Even though when I seem to get one area of life under control, another slips. I haven’t been doing great with eating lately. Namely, I’ve been eating too much or food that my body doesn’t like, resulting in weight gain and feeling gross. I’m working on it… ok honestly I haven’t been working on it. I have a terrible attitude when I comes to this. I keep telling myself I will start the low FODMAP elimination diet to figure out my trigger foods next week and it keeps getting put off. It reminds me of when I was contemplating quitting vaping, which means I will eventually get off my ass and do this.

I just started a new position at work. It started out a bit stressful with a crisis my boss was dealing with in his personal life. But things seem to be settling down.

Today, watching a woman smoke in her car, I realized just how appealing I still think smoking is. But it is tempered with the fact that I don’t really want to smoke myself. I think back to how anxious I felt all the time when I was using regularly and it literally kills my desire.

Writing smoking fiction seems to help channel the desire too. I’ve written two chapters to Strange and Beautiful, Chapter 22 and Chapter 23. Sometimes it backfires and makes me want to smoke more, but on the whole, it serves it’s purpose. I think this story is almost done. Apparently it is really long now, like almost novella length. I mean theoretically it could go on indefinitely, but I want it to have an ending.

That is all for tonight, hope this post finds my readers well.

Long Awaited Fiction

I really have to be in the mood to write this story. I think it has been two years since I left those of you reading this story on an incredible cliffhanger. I’ve had an incredibly inspired productive day when it comes to this story. I wrote not one, not two, but three chapters to the story. I kind of what to finish it so I can get these stories out of my mind. To be honest, the story is done in my head. I just have to get it out on paper. I get how J.K. Rowling felt writing Harry Potter. It is literally on in my head. I’m not sure the ending is as good as the beginning. I re-read my earlier chapters and they were really good. I feel like I’m running out of steam, but you be the judge. I could be that I am slowly loosing my desire to smoke  but also I’ve changed a bit since I started writing this. Oddly, vaping publicly and being out with smoking at work has allowed me to be Mel. The character of Mel is not me, but based off of me if I could have gotten past caring what people think when I was her age. Fast-forward to now,  while my parents still don’t know that I smoke/vape or if they do there has never been a true ‘coming out’ moment for me, almost everyone else close to me in my life knows that this is part of me. I can talk about my former smoking to my classes without blushing and feeling super shameful. Anyhow, enough preamble.

Here are the links:

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

For those of you who have not read the story, it is what I call ‘PG-13 Smoking Fetish Fiction’. Probably not everyone’s cup of tea, but I always found the best smoking fetish fiction focused on the characters, their motivations, their desire to smoke and what not. The sex was never important for me. Also, if you arrived at this blog because you are currently in the process of quitting smoking then don’t read this story. It reads like a big smoking fantasy. It could lead to relapse. I don’t want to be responsible for that. Read at your own risk.

Strange and Beautiful- Chapter 14

I finally updated this story. The ending has been in my head forever, so I’ve decided to put it on paper. It is almost done, probably 3 to 6 more installments.

So without further delay I give you: Strange and Beautiful Chapter Fourteen

Enjoy!

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