Nothing of note happened yesterday, other than the realization that, on the whole, I need to take better care of myself. I woke up anxious yesterday and I realized I would have missed feeling that if I had still been using. Perhaps it would have been one of those mornings where I couldn’t pump enough nicotine in me to make the anxiety go away.
Why was I anxious? It is unclear really, but I suspect based on what day it was it was the beginning of my premenstrual phase, so colloquially: PMS. I suffer from pretty bad PMS and I’ve never really done anything about it. My PMS is bad enough sometimes that I can’t wait to start my period again, because that means the mood swings are over, at least for a little while. Today, I woke up feeling OK. Tomorrow, who knows? Once I’ve got 30 days off nicotine under my belt, I’m going to start making small changes in my lifestyle to hopefully help with this as well as better track where my mood is at so I’m not randomly flying off the handle at my husband.
We slept in today, I got up with the dog and came back to bed and fell back asleep. When I did, I had a weird dream. I was in New York for a friend’s bacherlorette party. It was getting pretty wild and we were riding in twos in chariots pulled by horses and we were seated backwards. My childhood friend pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights up. I ask her for one, she starts to give me one and I tell her no, I don’t want one. I think it is the first time I’ve turned down a cigarette in a dream. I’m starting to think I’m really done with smoking.
Yesterday, I also gave away all of my nicotine juice. I couldn’t bear to throw it out and even though I trust myself with it, I didn’t want it to go to waste. I picked up Bowden’s Mate from the post office in 0 mg. I had ordered it as a reward to myself for making it this far. It is by far my favourite juice. I’m half considering stocking up in case it dies with the FDA ruling. I mean I found some clone recipes to make my own, but now that I vape so much less than I did before, I’m not sure I need to go that route.
Now it is time to do some garden work. Have a brilliant day everyone!