I felt great today. Still had my afternoon crash- might look at how I can change what I am eating/drinking during the day to see if I can alter that because right now that crash is my main craving or time that I would really want some nicotine.

To explain the title of this entry, I felt almost completely normal today. I was happy. I was in a good mood. My mood was stable throughout the day and when things went wrong, it wasn’t the end of the world or I didn’t lose it. The fatigue is fading and I actually now feel that my energy levels are on par or better than they were when I was using.

Not being under the constant ebb and flow of a powerful neurostimulant might not be exciting, but on all levels I feel better. Hence normal is boring but that is okay. I still have to remind myself of that because a big trigger for my use is boredom. My brain has learned that a bit of nicotine fixes the boredom, for a time. Actually boredom is when I would often mindlessly vape all evening practically, especially on weekends. Then I would feel gross but usually it would result in me needing to use more the next day. If I worked the next day, it meant that the day was harder to get through craving wise than normal.

I do miss the sharp focus nicotine provides, but I’m not sure it is worth everything else for me. Especially since this effect was almost non-existent towards the end.

Since tomorrow is Friday, I won’t likely update again until the weekend is over. Saturday will be a true test as it is my friend’s birthday and I likely will drink. The husband recommended I bring my vape so then I can at least join in on the social aspect of smoking should I feel the need. I mean, people tend to not offer you a cigarette when you have one and I can pretend there is nicotine in it for my own personal placebo effect. Until next time….

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