Today has been the most normal feeling day that I have had since I stopped using nicotine. It still feel like I’m forgetting to do something a lot of the time and occasionally I feel surprised to be feeling good or surprised at the absence of cravings at times that I would regularly have cravings. On the whole, cravings are decreasing and I think life overall is better ‘sober’ than using nicotine all the time.

I started using an game based motivation app called SuperBetter. Their quit smoking guide is probably one of the better ones I’ve read because it acknowledges all the things you’ve likely gotten out smoking, triggers, motivation to quit and willpower. One of their tasks was to post your 10 reasons to quit. When I saw that I thought,”I’m not sure I have 10.” So I’m going to see how many I can come up with.

  1. Better Sleep (this is my biggest motivator)
  2. Feeling good when I first wake up
  3. Feeling good throughout my work day (where I often couldn’t indulge my addiction)
  4. No more sneaking around/ stealth vaping when I don’t want people to know or don’t want them to know how addicted I am
  5. No more feeling guilty/hypocritical when teaching my personal development classes.
  6. Reduced spending on ejuice/coils (Already I’m vaping way less nicotine free liquid)
  7. Better circulation (Since my circulation isn’t awesome to begin with)
  8. Using nicotine always feelings good at first, remembering that eventually my use spirals into compulsion where I am sleeping poorly, feeling shitty when I wake up and using more and more. (I’m not sure this is a reason, but it is HUGE thing I have to remember to stay quit.)
  9. Better mood regulation. Right now I am moodier, but I am much more patient when I am not using.

I can’t think of a tenth one, nine is way more than I thought I would come up with. Currently I have more reasons to stay quit than to keep using. My only reasons to keep using would be to stop myself from smoking cigarettes again. But to be honest, I guess my tenth reason can be a reason not to smoke again should the temptation arise:

10. Regular cigarettes don’t taste that good anyways. The short term buzz isn’t worth the subsequent withdrawal which is similar to 8. The problem will be reminding myself of this after I’ve had a few drinks.  I always was particularly fond of using nicotine under the influence of alcohol. I’m currently abstaining from alcohol as well, although alcohol has never been a problem for me for this really isn’t a huge feat.

To be honest, my biggest obstacle will be my weird fetishy desire to smoke that is seated in fantasy rather than reality so I guess my last reason is:

11. The reality of daily nicotine use is different from the fantasy of daily smoking/vaping nicotine. I can satisfy my psychological need to ‘smoke’ (inhale/exhale substance) without the drug. So far that is true. I even get a tingling feeling that goes from my head to my toes on my first inhale during a vape session. I used to think it was the nicotine, but there is no nicotine, so it must be something else. Regardless, today I’ve been feeling really positive that I can do this, I can make this work.

Until next time…