Many of you might be asking why I started if I’m considering quitting. Why take the plunge at all?

If you’ve followed this for awhile, you know that I have a history of being drawn to smoking. So much so that I end up obsessively thinking about giving in and subsequently loathing myself for giving in. And the cycle repeats…

I couldn’t give in entirely to smoking for many reasons so vaping seemed like a good way of giving in, having the experience of being a “smoker” that I so desired, without the emotional baggage I had linked with smoking. And it worked. I’ve had the experience of being very physically dependant on nicotine. I got to vape at a frequency that I never would have allowed myself to smoke at even if I had given in because I would constantly been counting and regulating my consumption.

I’ll be honest, at the height of my physical dependence, I was a little worried about the rabbit hole I had dived head first into. I was waking up in the middle of the night in withdrawal (although I wouldn’t let myself give in) and I wasn’t sleeping well. Slowly, my body told me that it wasn’t sustainable and I weaned myself down from 6 mg to 3 mg. My cravings lessened in intensity and frequency and I felt better at a lower consumption level overall. I am sleeping through the night now and don’t need to vape upon waking.

But the best side effect of this trip down the rabbit hole is that I feel free of cigarettes. Vaping is now what is coupled with pleasure in my mind and while it is still up in the air whether I quit or not, I’ll be happy either way.

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