…when you dig women that smoke (cigarettes, pipes, cigars or otherwise)

I’ve been writing this blog for seven years and for the most part the people that choose to comment on my posts are really nice. They comment on the intellectual value or entertainment value of the posts, perhaps to say thank you for expressing something that they too felt.

Every once and awhile I get a weird creepy post. They usually start with something like, “I have SUCH a fetish for women who smoke! Please write more stories about you smoking, because smoking is really really hot.”  When I read this, I read: “You just provided some great masturbatory material. I really want you to write more stuff that I can get off to.”

To me, this is the online equivalent of Cat Calling. What is cat calling? It is when typically a guy (but it can be a woman as well) calls out/whistles at a woman/guy to signal their sexual interest in a woman/guy. Some guys think women like this, but overwhelmingly most women just find it creepy. The video below illustrates this if you don’t believe me.

So here is my guide to interacting with women who smoke (online edition). I’ve never had a creepy experience in real life actually with regards to meeting a guy with ‘the fetish’.

1) You don’t know her, nor have you been intimate with her

Therefore, you should be interacting with her as if she is a platonic stranger. Anything sexual references to her is creepy.

2) Even if you are pretty sure that she shares your fetish for smoking, you do not have to state that you have a fetish for smoking. Because if she doesn’t or doesn’t know what that means she will probably think you are creepy. In the case of my blog where I talk about my own fetish, it is less odd depending on the context. But even so there is a difference between saying, “I have a super fetish for smoking! OMG you smoke and I find that so sexy!” and someone describing what they like about a woman that smokes in more general terms (not creepy for most- as long as they are open-minded).

3) Just because she smokes and participates in perhaps a pro-smoking community, doesn’t mean she is there explicitly to entertain you and your fetish for women who smoke. Be respectful of the fact that she is a free individual living her own life.

4) If you start corresponding and she stops, you’ve probably been creepy in some way. If she has never responded to any messages you have sent her is either not interested in interacting with you or she found your message creepy. Reevaluate your messages and see if you broke any of the rules above.

5) Last tip: Imagine yourself at a bar/restaurant and that you were having dinner with said girl. Read your message. If you wouldn’t say what you read out loud to the girl, you shouldn’t sent it the message to the girl.

I’ll end this here. Like I said before, it is there are a few creeps that ruin it for everyone else. 95% of the time, people are nice and respectful and seem to ‘know’ these rules. I’ve always dealt with these types by deleting their comments and not responding to them which seems to be working well for me.