Closet Fascination

A blog about a journey, smoking, not smoking, vaping and everything in between


April 2015

Vacation Smoker

My hiatus from smoking my homemade pipe tobacco cigarettes lasted approximately 20 days. I was on holidays this week which left me a lot of time by myself. A combination of boredom and opportunity presented itself and I found myself smoking from Tuesday to Friday. I almost bought a pack of real cigarettes, but I actually think I like rolling my own better and it is so much more convenient since I literally have a giant jar full of tobacco. I’m getting quite good at it too. My cigarettes actually look like cigarettes now instead of like a joint and smoke like a cigarette too as in they stay lit. Interestingly, much like smoking pipe tobacco in a pipe, they require some skill in smoking. Controlled draws and smoked slower the smoke is quite smooth and flavourful and very similar to how it would be in a pipe. I noticed if I did a harder drag the smoke would be hot and “biting” much like when you smoke a pipe too fast.

The first day I smoked two- the one I had left unsmoked 20 days prior in the morning and I rolled a fresh one plus four more for later in the week and smoked that one about three hours after my first. The cigarettes smoke better the next day as the tobacco has dried out a bit more. I smoked another Wednesday, another Thursday both in the morning after everyone in my house had left. The last two I smoked on Friday in a similar pattern to Tuesday.

I think given the opportunity, my body would love it if I smoked every three hours. My cravings are still mostly psychological, easily ignored if the opportunity to smoke is not there. However, my cravings are less easy to ignore when I know I can smoke. Every morning, I eagerly awaited my roommates departure so I could indulge again. Each day, I would start craving my morning cigarette as the time of their leave approached. I still crave the morning cigarette. It is much like drinking coffee in the morning, a great way to get the day started.

I smoked my last one Friday afternoon and mostly feel a bit more tired today than usual. I have a tiny headache that I’m pretty sure a cigarette could fix, but no intense psychological cravings. I think I like smoking these cigarettes more than commercial ones which is why I seem to be smoking more. It could be that after years of dabbling, my nicotine tolerance is high enough to really enjoy smoking without making myself sick.

I’m on cigarette smoking hiatus again, probably until the next time I’m on vacation. Until next time…

14 hours later…

A few friends and I got together for a wiener roast and I decided I was going to smoke my pipe. It was relaxing as usual and so very different from cigarette smoking. You get the nicotine but not the ‘high’ if that makes any sense. The same feel feeling I get about 10 minutes after smoking a cigarette after the initial buzz is gone. I have a feeling I’m going to be smoking my pipe a lot more this summer.


Chapter 16 of Strange and Beautiful Is Up

I’m on spring break, which means I had time for some writing. Here is Chapter 16 of Strange and Beautiful.


Why animals eat psychoactive plants

This is how I feel about drugs, including nicotine/tobacco. I think we need to focus more on harm reduction for this reason. Stop telling occasional smokers that they should just quit. They know the risks, stop shaming them into lying to their doctors and dentists.

When you read studies about occasional smoking, much like marijuana smoking, they do not have much information on the risks. Some studies have found equal risk from occasional smoking as regular smoking but these studies often include light, daily smokers in the cohort. Other studies, have found less risk than regular smoking, more risk than never smoking. Usually, the study ends by saying that occasional smoking is not a safe alternative to regular smoking and that people should just quit. To me, this is seeing tobacco use in black and white and ignoring the human aspect. That for some people, the pleasure of smoking, is worth the risk.

Prohibition doesn’t work. We saw that with alcohol. We have seen this with the war on drugs. Instead of banning vaping automatically, research the risks. People like using nicotine. Figure out a safer way for people to use it.

By Johann Hari

Source: BoingBoing

The United Nations says the drug war’s rationale is to build “a drug-free world — we can do it!” U.S. government officials agree, stressing that “there is no such thing as recreational drug use.” So this isn’t a war to stop addiction, like that in my family, or teenage drug use. It is a war to stop drug use among all humans, everywhere. All these prohibited chemicals need to be rounded up and removed from the earth. That is what we are fighting for.

I began to see this goal differently after I learned the story of the drunk elephants, the stoned water buffalo, and the grieving mongoose. They were all taught to me by a remarkable scientist in Los Angeles named Professor Ronald K. Siegel.

***The tropical storm in Hawaii had reduced the mongoose’s home to a mess of mud, and lying there, amid…

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