Closet Fascination

A blog about a journey, smoking, not smoking, vaping and everything in between


July 2012

This sums things up nicely


Cigarettes Are Evil…and delicious

Or should I say deliciously evil… I write this after having numerous smoking dreams last night. It must have been an alternate universe but in the dream I was outside smoking with my co-workers before school started. This would never happen. Ever. Many of my co-workers are, however, closet smokers or former smokers that occasionally indulge.

Today, in between tackling my massive to-do list I contemplated buying some cigarettes. I haven’t bought cigarettes for myself in a very long time. There something about cigarette smoking that is so much more alluring than the other types of tobacco smoking I also enjoy. Both pipe and cigar smoke is more flavorful and pleasant tasting. I get a pleasant buzz from doing all three but I think what it comes down to is inhaling. I know some people can inhale pipe or cigar smoke… but I am not one of those people. Cigarettes are designed to make it easy for you to inhale thus making them far more efficient at delivering the drug.

I think my boyfriend gets my attraction to smoking. He offered me cigars last night and I turned them down. He turned to me and said, “You just want a cigarette, don’t you?” I’m not sure how he knew, but he knows that cigarettes were my first love and will always be. This makes them delicious but oh so evil.

I found this video today and if I had had a different group of friends in university, this could have been me. To me, smoking is 100% a social activity. I’m not sure why, but I get far more pleasure from any type of smoking when I am doing it with friends. I rarely will say no to smoking when I am in a social situation where it is acceptable. Especially since I have become more at ease with being “out” as a social smoker.┬áThat is why it is easy to pass up the opportunity to go buy my own as I sit here procrastinating from my to-do list. It would just be too lonely.


Part-time Smoking makes for Smokey Weekend

I have to say, I am starting to get quite bold with my smoking. Short of coming out to old friends and my family which I’m not sure I will ever do, most of my current group of friends knows I like to occasionally indulge in smoking cigars and pipes. I have to say, having the support of my boyfriend really helps. This past weekend, I smoked far more than I normally do. It started on Friday. We went out for a few drinks with friends. My boyfriend had some Backwoods cigars lying around. They are not exactly the most expensive or classy cigar, but they taste not too bad considering their price point. I had one of those and this just wet my appetite for more. The next day, we had another gathering to go to. Boyfriend said he would drive so I could drink, but he was going to bring along an assortment of pipes for his own amusement. I said I wanted to pick up a nicer cigar in case I felt like one.

I did feel like one, but wanted to wait until all the children went to bed to enjoy one. At this point in the evening, all the smokers came out of the woodwork. I smoked my cigar, while others puffed on their cigarettes. To see the group, you would guess it was a different era, as there was almost no one that wasn’t smoking. I finished the cigar and we sat around the fire having a couple more drinks. By this time, I was pretty buzzed from the alcohol. With zero inhibitions, I stated that I really wanted a cigarette. At this point, a lovely older lady that was heading off gave me and my friend each a Benson and Hedges menthol 100 I think. My boyfriend doesn’t really like cigarette smoking, so this would be the first time he has ever seen me smoke one. It was a good cigarette, I managed to get through the whole thing without feeling sick. I guess there is something to be said about tolerance. Post-cigarette and for the next two days, I was hornier than I have been in months. Unfortunately, I also craved cigarettes for the next two days. Or maybe fortunately, since the cravings made for some good fantasies.

Sunday I took a break from smoking but I did have a pipe with my Boyfriend when we were out at a friend’s house on Monday to round off my weekend as a part-time smoker. And now I think I might be good for awhile. While it is no surprise to me, for fetish reasons I definitely enjoyed the cigarette the most. I think if the store sold singles, I might indulge more often. Cigar smoking comes in second, as the action is similar to cigarette smoking. I enjoy pipe smoking in that it is something that I can share with my boyfriend and I love that each pipe has a different character. Until I smoke again…

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