Well, I have to say- 2009 was some year for me. I’ve come to realize and accept a lot of things about myself this past year. For one, I’ll always be an occasional smoker at the most. I guess I’m not dedicated enough to really commit to smoking more than that. Smoking does not make me feel as good as it did went I was younger and I reacted much more negatively this time than I did during my experimentation back in 2001. Sure, I managed to overdose on nicotine then too, but I can’t attribute all negative effects I had to the nicotine. Granted, the cigarettes are different than the ones I smoked back then. Canada has had fire safe cigarettes since 2005, so maybe it is that. Who knows? All I know, is cigarettes used to taste better and feel better when I smoked them and I don’t think it is all in my head. Frankly, and I didn’t know if this would be possible, but I’ve had enough negative experiences now to pretty much eliminate the desire to smoke in real life. This makes me slightly sad, but
I am glad I have come to accept that I have this fetish and that it is not going away. Despite my failure with cigarettes, I have come to start entertaining the idea of trying other forms of tobacco. There is something about tobacco in general that I find appealing, something about smoke in general that I find appealing. 2009 was my year of the cigarette… 2010- year of ? Only time will tell.
Happy New Year Everyone!