This time of year always seems to get me down. Last year, I was busy obsessing over telling my boyfriend about my smoking fetish. I’m glad I was honest with him. It makes it so much easier, not to mention I can be myself around him. No longer do I have to keep certain comments to myself. Last night, for example, we moved the shower curtain that previously resided in my sketchy apartment. It had a funny smell- Raid mixed with stale smoke smell. The thing is- I’ve never smoked in my apartment. I had every intention of doing so when I moved in, but the place just never had the right atmosphere. I would much rather smoke outside than do it in my gross little apartment. Anyhow- I said, “This shower curtain smells like I was smoking in the bathtub, which is totally something I would do, only I haven’t. Curious.” He laughed. I laughed and then we proceeded to try and wash the weird stale smoke/Raid smell out of the shower curtain.

This year… this year I think I’m down because I know that come January I’m not going back to school nor do I have a job to return to. It sucks and my attitude sucks even more. I’m doing my darndest to stay optimistic, but it is hard. Not to mention right now I am paying rent for an apartment that I no longer actually live in, but have a lease for another two months. I long for a distraction from my life, but I know what I really need to be doing is facing my problems head on. So that is where I am right now… in a weird state of limbo where I find myself listening to the acoustic version of Help I’m Alive by Metric as well as Gimme Sympathy.

I always have the perspective that things will get better and this is just a phase of my life. I also know I’m the one responsible for pulling myself out of this funk. I just hope the motivation shows up soon.

On that sad note… wishing everyone who reads this a Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year if I don’t update before then!

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