Closet Fascination

A blog about a journey, smoking, not smoking, vaping and everything in between


August 2009

The Wedding

I just got back from 4 days away at a wedding. It was killer fun and well I guess I really wouldn’t be writing about it if there was not a good story or two regarding the topic of this blog to tell. So here goes nothing…

My friend had six bridesmaids, and I was one of them. One of the bridesmaids, lets call her E, is a smoker, although she is apparently planning on quitting as of yesterday. Since we do not live in the same city, I have no idea whether or not she will actually go through with it since she did not seem entirely convincing when she talked about it. She is one of the most polite smokers I have ever met, always trying to position herself where she would bother us least with the smoke. Of course, I kept telling her the smoke really didn’t bother me. At least not in the sense she believed…
At one point that first day, she even offered me one. I must have been looking at the cigarettes longingly or she confused me with one of the other bridesmaids,J , who apparently used to smoke (I’m not sure when- although if I were to guess, probably when she was going to art school). As the day wore on and I had more to drink, I felt more of an inclination to smoke. I didn’t act on it, but for some reason confessed it to one of the other bridesmaids, lets call her K. K then confessed to me that she used to take drags off her friend’s cigarettes when she would go out to the bar with them. I found this interesting since K did not seem like the type of girl who would. I never did get up the courage to ask E for either a cigarette or drags from her cigarette that night.

Fast-forward to the day of the wedding. By this point I had decided that the weekend was no ending without me smoking something. I was at least going to bum a drag and that was that. What transpired during that day was kind of interesting. Right after the ceremony E was having a smoke, but needed to get something the bride needed out of her purse.
She said, “I hate to ask you, but can you hold my cigarette?”
“No problem,” I replied, without even thinking. It was funny to see people’s reaction to that since everyone knows that I do not smoke. I guess I held it as if it were mine, so naturally people thought it was mine. My friend, the bride, even asked me if I was smoking, to which I replied, no just holding it for E. I’m pretty sure she would have just thought it weird if I were and had a chat with me later.

A little bit later, one of the guests was having his picture taken and did not want to be photographed smoking and asked K to go put out his cigarette. It was funny, because I think K is at the point where she isn’t comfortable with people knowing she occasionally smokes and ran across the field holding the cigarette like it was toxic waste, with a panicked look on her face.
“What do I do with it?” she exclaimed. It was more because the grass was really dry and she couldn’t figure out where to put it out. She gratefully passed it off to E who “disposed of it” for her. Disposed of it by smoking it of course.

Later at the reception, I proceeded to drink quite a bit. I was more than ready to carry out my plan, but it was how to do it without hovering around E or following her around. Plus, often she would just sneak off to smoke without telling anyone. I finally had a good chance so I took. E asked if I wanted to get another drink with her and I said yes. She said she wanted to have a cigarette first, so I told her I would come with. The smoking area was surprisingly not busy so it was just the two of us. I asked her quietly if I could have a drag of her cigarette, to which she replied, “You aren’t the first to ask me tonight.”
“Really?” I asked, although I had a feeling I knew.
“Yeah, K, of all people, asked me for one when we went out to the car earlier.”

I thought that was funny. K actually wasn’t even drinking that much so was pretty much just using the occasion as a reason to smoke. Much in the same way I was, but if anyone asked I could blame it on the booze. I guess that is why she asked in a more private location and I asked in a slightly more public location.

The M/C did catch me smoking, but she thought I had been earlier too (because she saw holding the cigarette). Over the course of two smoking breaks that evening I managed to scam 3 drags off of E’s cigarettes and one off of the Bride’s Dad’s cigars. His cigars smelled so good. They had been enticing me all weekend and I really wanted to see if they tasted as good as they smelled. Alas they did not… but they were still pretty tasty. As E only smokes non-menthol cigarettes I got to try those again and I am considering going non-menthol for my next pack.

I’m a little sad that K and I do not live in the same city as I am pretty sure if I were to smoke again in front of her, she probably would partake at least a little bit. As long as we aren’t in front of people who do not know her dirty little secret. It was just fun openly sharing about my own closet smoking habits with someone. Someone that could easily tell one of my closest friends (the bride) my secret… although something tells me she will keep it to herself. She seemed to notice people’s smoking almost as much as I did, which was a little odd. I doubt she has “the fetish” but she certainly seemed more fixated and interested in smoking than the average joe. That in itself was refreshing. If only we were both less restrained… I imagine that would have been even more fun.


Strange and Beautiful- Chapters Five and Six Posted

For those of you that are reading this story, I posted chapters five and six. I’m not sure where this story is going from here, but I feel like I need to pick up the pace or something. The story is far longer than I imagined to begin with. Maybe I shouldn’t worry too much about length and just tell the story. I just hate stories that drag on and on and now that I am writing one, I realize how easy it is to let that happen.

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