Not that I was actually fasting… but I smoked today and it was glorious. There is something to be said about above zero (32 F) weather. Much easier to suck the smoke into your lungs when you are not inhaling -10 to -15 °C ( 14 to 5 F) into your lungs. Also nice to not be shivering. Lately, I had not really wanted to smoke much, so I didn’t. I figure no point in doing something unless you actually feel like doing it. I know there is some danger in that, since then I start to associate certain moods, thoughts and cravings with smoking, which increases the likelihood of repeating these actions in the future. That said, I’m not sure I really care anymore. I guess I should tell the story behind this cigarette, since although I was solitary again, I did something I have never done before. I actually smoked in my backyard.
Conditions like what I had tonight will be rare, so do not think that I am going to be sneaking out to my backyard for cigarettes all the time. Two of my roommates were gone for the whole weekend and one went out to the bar. To be perfectly honest- I had kind of a shit day. I got home from having supper at a friends and decided to take a bath because that is generally what I do when I feel like I do today. The bath made me feel a lot better, and when I came out of the bathroom, my roommate and her boyfriend were just finishing off their beers on the way out the door. They informed me that they were off to some bar… and this is when the wheels in my head started turning. I didn’t feel like driving somewhere to smoke and suddenly the opportunity to not leave my own yard presented itself and I simply had to take it.
I waited for about a half hour before I went. I didn’t want them to come back having forgot something… although now that I think about it, I’m not sure they would have noticed me. I retrieved a cigarette from the hiding place from my car and found an old concentrate juice can to put my ashes in. Not that anyone would go specifically to the place in my yard where I smoked and notice the ashes in the snow- but I’d prefer not to leave a trace. I had forgotten that we moved the picnic table to the sheltered area in my backyard and was pleasantly surprised to find it snow free. Plus- I noticed when I sat down at the table, the place really was sheltered- I could barely see the street or alley. Passers by would probably only see the puffs of smoke coming from me. I took it pretty easy, since I haven’t smoked in almost a month, but found that although I was lightheaded again, I didn’t become nauseous. There was something really enjoyable about smoking right in my own backyard. I’m not sure what it was…
And somewhat unrelated, I thought this post on the Twilight cast (or I guess it would be New Moon cast) smoking caught my eye. It is so funny because if you go to this site and read all the comments at the bottom- they are funny. I’m not sure why everyone is so surprised that all these actors smoke. I mean, it is practically an occupational hazard as an actor. I know they can smoke the fake herbal cigarettes that apparently can taste gross if they want to for movies, but I don’t know- and I’m super biased- but if I am going to suck carcinogenic smoke into my lungs, I might as well have the nicotine too. Plus- people get all worked up and say “teenage girls look up to them, how can they smoke?” Since when are actors and actresses our role models? The last time I checked- if I were to take a page out of Lindsay Lohan’s book I would be in rehab for a coke addiction by now. Granted, society is influenced by them- but they are entertainers, not people to look up to for lessons on how to live life. Just my take, and I will admit I have an extreme bias that sways me toward being okay with it mainly because I love the reaction that people have to it. And for the record- I did not try or start smoking because I saw “Bella” aka Kristin Stewart or “Edward” aka Robert Pattinson light up. I just think they are both incredibly sexy when they do.
I feel like I should explain the Twilight thing, since I am clearly not a teenage girl. I got addicted to Twilight this summer. When I say addicted, I mean addicted. Seriously. The books are like crack or heroin. Far more addictive than cigarettes. They should have a giant warning label on them. I spent the better part of one week reading all four books. I think I would have read them faster if it were not for actually having to socialize with people. And when I was done- I re-read them and then got the book tapes and listened to them. The thing is- the books are totally captivating, but complete cheese. Yep- I said it. Cleolinda says it better in her blog when she compares it to a twinkie. You know they are bad for you, but when you want a twinkie, you gotta have a twinkie. The movie kind of made me snap out of it because it really made me realize just how cheesy Twilight is. I really liked the books as great escapist reads, but the movie was pure comedy to me. I think my stomach was sore from laughing so hard. So I kind of can’t wait to see what they do with New Moon- I wonder if the most depressing book in the series can be made into a comedy. I wonder.
March 15, 2009 at 9:21 am
I wonder if your fetish could have been so intense a generation or two ago, when smoking was commonplace. I tend to doubt it. Back when over half the population smoked and you could do it almost anywhere there would have been few barriers to becoming a full time smoker. This honeymoon period where you explore smoking as an occasional novelty, to indulge in for minutes and then dwell on for days, would have been brief or nonexistent.
Do you think that by banning public smoking and getting “responsible” adults, family people and the health conscious and such to avoid it that the thrill is larger for the fetishist?
At your pace the exploratory period could go on for a few years, courting addiction but not succumbing. The outcome is the same, of course. By middle age it’s a burden. By late age purely unpleasant (both by making the final health decline more painful and making the smoker into the stinky old person that disgusts all younger people to some extent).
March 15, 2009 at 10:16 am
I wonder if your fetish could have been so intense a generation or two ago, when smoking was commonplace.
Probably not- and I probably would have started smoking a long time ago in that golden age. I mean even my mom smoked back then and she was a nun.
Do you think that by banning public smoking and getting “responsible” adults, family people and the health conscious and such to avoid it that the thrill is larger for the fetishist?
Yes- it makes it that much more forbidden.
At your pace the exploratory period could go on for a few years, courting addiction but not succumbing. The outcome is the same, of course. By middle age it’s a burden. By late age purely unpleasant (both by making the final health decline more painful and making the smoker into the stinky old person that disgusts all younger people to some extent).
I see where you are going with this since one good cigarette often leads to another okay cigarette which leads to the yuck- why am I doing this cigarette, which usually sends me right back into a period of abstinence. I’ve flirted with the idea of smoking more often, well daily at least but I cannot deny that I feel better when I am not smoking. So I can totally see where you are going with this since I actually do not know how people do not notice health effects right away. Maybe I’m just more in touch with my body or deny it less, but I can feel the difference or health effects in my body all day after I have smoked only one cigarette. Actually- I can usually feel it next day as well… I’m not sure I will let my self experiment for the next few years nor I am sure that I will have time once I start working full time. I think I will enjoy this period of experimentation for what it is… and decide where I will go from there.
March 16, 2009 at 8:28 am
Suppose you walk into a bar and see an attractive guy there. Your first thought is unlikely to be “I can live with his dirty underwear and morning breath for the rest of my life! I’m going to marry him!”. More likely there will be a period of flirting, and dalliance, and underneath these superficial courtship rituals a more significant, less conscious process is occurring: the two of you are assessing, adapting to, and accepting each other’s flaws and quirks. If not, the relationship will not deepen or advance; if yes, it will continue and will develop its own natural force, without any conscious effort having been applied. It is simply too much too comprehend the entire process at the beginning, so one takes it step by step.
Taking up smoking is a similar courtship. Very few people wake up one morning and say “This is a great day to take up an expensive, risky, and socially denigrated addiction! I don’t really use these lungs anyway!” It is too much to accept, so a new smoker takes it step by step, often denying that they are taking up smoking but subconsciously intending to do so. Only the first step is really difficult; succeeding steps are virtually effortless, and the process of adaptation (both emotional and physical) proceeds almost unnoticed. And one day a few years later you wake up, give up a little smoker’s cough, and it really isn’t as bad as you once thought. You have adapted to its flaws and quirks.
Taking up smoking doesn’t require you to consciously decide to choose to become a smoker and accept its joys and risks; you only need to decide to have another. And if you do, the process will continue automatically. It is exceedingly unwise to believe that it can be consciously ended, and if it is your intention to do so, then do so yesterday. It will be much harder tomorrow.
But can that be done? Has your relationship with smoking lasted so long that it can be ended without incurring a sense of personal loss? You have been courting smoking for decades, so simply stopping is not going to be as easy as flipping a switch. Physically, you would have no problem, but emotional loss needs to be considered and respected as well. You would need to fall out of love with it, and falling more in love with it now will only make it harder later.
March 15, 2009 at 10:40 am
I completely remember and understand what it felt like to smoke for the first time in familiar places where I hadn’t smoked before, and to smoke in front of people that I knew who I hadn’t smoked in front of before. They were all thrilling, because it meant that my Identity as a Smoker was becoming more real to me. And that greatly amplified my sexual response to smoking with each successive experience.
I would respectfully suggest that Bob (as well as some of the other regular respondents to this blog) is something of an outsider to our particular experience of the Smoking Fetish, in that the only thing that can possibly satisfy our sexual desires is to experience smoking firsthand for ourselves. I believe that Bob’s intentions are completely good, but that his (and others’) attempts to dissuade you from smoking will ultimately only feed your desire to do it, just as the ubiquity of the anti-smoking public health campaigns did in the first place.
After all, at this point, there is absolutely nothing that anyone can say or do to attempt to dissuade you from smoking that you haven’t already seen, heard, or thought about, is there? 😉
I think that Bob does make a great point, however – since the Taboo of smoking is much stronger than it was in previous years, the pleasure of the Taboo violation is also greater, which also only serves to heighten the urge to smoke.
March 16, 2009 at 8:45 am
I think it is good that the non-fetishistic cadre has been so accepting of all this, and haven’t once devolved into anti-smoking/anti-fetish vitriol. It leads to some interesting, open, well-balanced discussions. I find all of this refreshing and unique.
It seems to me that some here never made the leap into fetish because the magic was simply not there. Bob’s clearly not a fetishist; you are, I was, and CF is still trying to figure out where she fits along that continuum. That’s OK; I think that fetishism is an innate quality and its presence or absence should be simply accepted, and not judged. If we all respect that, we can learn from each other.
March 28, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Vesperae – just to offer a counterpoint to your comment about Bob…while he seems to be of the position that it’s probably best if CF doesn’t start, you seem to be working from the premise that it’s a foregone conclusion that she will. Correct me if I’m wrong, but what you’re saying in this comment is that not only will smoking make her want to smoke, but that people trying to discourage her from smoking will also make her want to smoke. In that scenario she really has no chance, does she?
You seem to be finding ways of hammering that concept home a lot, both here and at the board. And with all due respect, my personal impression is that you want her to start smoking very, very badly. And perhaps for your own benefit more than hers, regardless of how much you’ve convinced yourself she needs it. I think you have found someone you feel can be “molded” into having the same experience you did when you started, and that you’re determined to see that happen. If that’s the case I just hope you’ve been completely honest with CF so far as your intentions.
You have a way with words and images, and you’re clearly working with a lot of intelligence. You also have a way of making your own personal experiences sound a little more absolute and unavoidable than perhaps they really are. You clearly have some concrete beliefs about why a person starts smoking, and you have a tendency to dismiss those who don’t embrace the way you feel. Or perhaps marginalizing those who are getting in the way of CF doing what you want her to do. In Bob’s case, he’s “something of an outsider to our particular experience of the Smoking Fetish, in that the only thing that can possibly satisfy our sexual desires is to experience smoking firsthand for ourselves”. I think that’s incredibly presumptuous, and frankly I don’t see anything indicating that CF can only satisfy her sexual desires by smoking. I think that describes you, and you’re trying very hard to project that image onto her. In reality I think CF is just confused and trying to figure out how far she wants to take this.
Personally, I think she should smoke if she wants to, and if she decides she doesn’t then she shouldn’t. But only she can make that decision. Bottom line, I get the impression you’ll be disappointed if she doesn’t. That’s a very dangerous game and hugely unfair to CF if she isn’t aware of what you’re doing…like the man said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
March 29, 2009 at 10:03 am
Thanks for your input, Dan! I always appreciate people that voice opposing opinions. That said, I don’t believe (or feel) that Vesperae is trying to pressure me smoke, even through subtle comments that make it seem like it is an inevitability. She has made it clear to me that she wants me to make my own choice- whatever that might be. I am aware of her bias- but I don’t feel like she is trying to push me in a certain direction with it.
I also agree with you- on some of the points you have made- smoking is not essential to satisfying my sexual desires. Sufficient- yes. Necessary- no. But on the same token- does smoking 100% turn me on every time I do it?- yes. And do I think that even if I were to stop experimenting now- I would never be turned on by my thoughts of smoking ever again- absolutely not, since up until relatively recently those were my predominant thoughts.
I can’t presume people’s personal agendas on here. I am well aware of my audience, since in many ways I am like them and have similar fantasies and desires. I’m sure many people as you and Ross have alluded to, will be very disappointed if I decide to not continue with smoking. I am aware of this because if I were reading my blog as an outsider and a fetishist, I would totally be rooting for me to take the plunge into habitual smoking. But this is real life and not some made up fetish story, and real life tends to be infinitely more complicated.
March 30, 2009 at 5:51 am
I know it’s rude to speak for other people but Dan brings up an interesting idea.
Vesperae clearly sees similarities between her and CF. Some of these similarities may be wishful thinking, and Vesperae may be trying to polish a fetish like her own, which is not there. I don’t blame her for trying because it is harmless. It would only be harmful if CF was a gullible little girl, and she is not. The point of this blog, I think, is that CF wants a diversity of thoughts and themes to see which resonates with her; this will help her navigate her way through this new territory she has entered.
In this way Vesperae’s input is valuable, in my opinion. She illuminates a life as an ardent, sensual fetishist, and some of Vesperae’s experiences actually do ring true in CF. Perhaps not all, of course, and so I disagree that it is inevitable that CF will be tempted completely down Vesperae’s path. I just don’t think it’s all that likely since CF’s actual interest in smoking seems to be more periodic in nature.
I think this blog will become far less interesting and valuable, though, if we stop respecting other’s opinions because we assume they have evil intentions. This is not directed at any one individual, particularly not Dan. I’ve just noticed an unwholesome suspicion developing between the two extremes of our little community and the implications of this are not good.
March 30, 2009 at 7:55 am
Well put, as usual, Mister T! I agree with everything you have said- you seem to have me pegged! 😉
I want to draw people’s attention to the following, because I completely agree:
Up until this point, I have approved most comments, whether I agree with them or not. I believe in freedom of speech and I am well aware that there are two sides to this coin since they seem to exist simultaneously within myself. I’ve been writing mostly from one side recently- but both exist. But Mister T brings up an important point- if we stop respecting each other’s opinions- this forum will no longer serve its purpose. I have not done so yet- but I will remove comments (or not approve them) if I feel that they cross the line. I hope it never comes to this, but I think this is a good time to remind people to be respectful of others opinions even if they are not your own.
March 15, 2009 at 10:41 am
P.S.: It appears that I was composing my response at the exact same time that CF was posting her’s. 🙂
March 15, 2009 at 10:57 am
You’re a scientist, right? I think there’s something about that training that helps you pick up on little changes. I’m a scientist too and the empirical mentality can pervade your life. Also a more sophisticated understanding of biology helps you think about what to expect and notice as you try smoke and nicotine.
I’ve tried discussing with starting smokers over the years and believe most people don’t notice the changes in their body from a cigarette or two. At least your level of attention is quite rare in my experience.
I actually don’t think historical period or smoking tolerance has much to do with the fetish itself. It might affect how much smoking you do or how available the habit seems. But the fetish itself, and the sexy side of smoking, has always been there. There’s Marlene Dietrich and the streets of Bangkok to show that a puffing woman sells sex appeal. Even in a society of commonplace and open smoking it gives sex an extra edge.
We don’t know much about fetishes. At the best there are surveys and some mediocre pieces of fiction. But people are usually too reserved to shed much light on it. Maybe WordPress can help this state of affairs.
There’s an aspect to smoking fetish I find a bit chilling, among fetishes that is. In the mix of pleasures and image related to smoking is the undeniable thread of destruction, a burden on the health. It’s so strong, of course, that it transcends science as King James denounced tobacco use from the western world’s first prostitution of it, and with a very modern and accurate list of ailments moreover. And along with that the theory if the fetish is that many fetishists get off on the idea that the urge to smoke is so strong is to entice while we know how deadly it is. Maybe not part of it for you, but the aspect of being fascinated by your lover’s willful self-destruction is even in the Wikipedia entry on the fetish.
The argument makes sense to me, has to be part of the fetish for a lot of fetishists since the destruction is so obvious from our 21st century perspective. But I wonder how integral it really is.
March 16, 2009 at 9:38 am
A smoking fetish is sometimes complex. The element of destruction is central to the smoking fetish but not always in the same way. Some are thrilled by the risk of physical harm, while others thrill to the destruction of their”good boy/good girl” image. Smoking is a wonderful, multi-faceted tool of destruction, and destruction can be fun. The chance of destruction, though, can be delicious. I think it has much to do with the level of expectation our culture imposes on us- destruction of those taboos becomes powerful, and for a fetishist, sexually powerful..
March 15, 2009 at 11:07 am
I’m not as much of an outside as it might appear. And I’m not really trying to discourage tobacco use or abuse. It’s more that the mix of emotions and images around tobacco is so interesting and confusing to me. And since CF has such a wonderful ability to write about it I have the urge to poke and prod here and there, to explore how her logical and active mind juggles so many contradictory influences.
Without WordPress these are conversations are an unusual, almost impossible, pleasure (at least for me). I don’t mean to advocate against smoking, just wanted to explore the darker side, the contradictions.
It so happens that I believe my experiences parallel CF quite a bit. I got away from home at a young age so by 25 what she’s going through I felt was behind me. But I’ve never felt I figured it out or got to talk with people nearly enough about it.
March 15, 2009 at 12:09 pm
To Bob –
I believe that we’ve discussed this before at this blog, but to respond to your reply here:
I absolutely believe, and I believe that CF believes, that the Taboo of “Health Violation” is essential to the SF.
But being attracted to Danger and Risk (i.e., being attracted to the Taboo of “Health Violation”) does not equal wanting to see the “gamble” lost.
I also believe that among those who have a very rational and empirical bent, that the emotional/irrational aspects of the appeal of smoking related to the above can be difficult to wrap their heads (or perhaps more accurately, their hearts) around.
March 16, 2009 at 8:50 am
The thrill, of course, is in gambling, and getting away with it. It is no fun to lose.
By the way, the term non-rational is more accurate that irrational. There is no lack of rationality in the fetish, or taking up smoking, or any of this; there is a lack of explicable rationality.
March 15, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I remember learning anecdotally, as a suggestion that the addiction is controllable, that many Native American cultures used tobacco ritually. And by use being ritual only were able to continue throughout life without abuse, without the chronic use we think of as being so unhealthy, because such would violate the ritual. But that’s just anecdotal. I never looked into it, just thought it makes sense.
In our society we don’t really have that. We have the ritual of stigmatizing tobacco and pushing the notion of health (smoking abstinence along with a low fat diet, lots of running in all weather, and organic food). That from the other extreme of nearly universal tobacco use. But no ritual in between. Do we lack what a more mystical culture may have in the way of enforcing moderation and hence a more sustainable way to enjoy?
I thought a fetishist having occasional explorations of smoking just for the sexual pleasure might be something like the ritual.
March 16, 2009 at 9:19 am
There is, undoubtedly, an important component of ritual to any fetish, because ritual confers importance and conveys reverence.
I think that our modern Western life ritual is to celebrate consumption. We are expected to do no more than simply consume until we die, but we should stay healthy so we can live as long as possible so that we can consume as much as possible. The culture of consumption allows for no alien impulses such as moderation, which were natural for a culture surviving amidst limited resources.
Anything more significant than that we have to initiate ourselves, or look to the edges and hidden nodes of our culture to find others of similar yearnings. This is how so many alternative impulses are born: the frightening vacuity of Western culture forces one to seek something, anything different. I personally celebrate the Solstices and Equinoxes, not because I am a Druid, but because for some inexplicable reason they are significant to me and I feel they should not pass unappreciated. I would rarely admit to that degree of depth or sensitivity, certainly not to my co-workers whose major goal in life is to get a bigger TV.
I have a 27″ TV, it has a picture tube, it works fine and I would never admit that to them because they would think I’m a Philistine. Fortunately, all but two of them work for me so I can keep them at a distance.
For the same reason I would never try to explain that I enjoy smoking, and the small attendant rituals of it, and the regularity it brings to my life. Some people -MOST people- born of this culture would simply not get it. If you smoke, you should smoke A LOT. Right? Why do it halfway? What kind of American are you?
March 16, 2009 at 9:41 am
Dear gods, am I wordy today.
March 16, 2009 at 9:56 am
I don’t check my blog for a day and the responses pile up 🙂
On the topic of ritual- I remember way back to my first flirtatious notions of giving in to my desire to smoke. I remember finding this site on ritual smoking. At the time, I loved the idea because here was something telling me I can smoke in moderation as long as I ritualize it. I’m surprised the site still exists- since it has not been updated since 1998 but I guess a site like this does not really need to updated since the topic is timeless really. I’m not sure that I have ever gotten the ritual to work like they say and I think it is because I become entirely too distracted by the fact that I am actually smoking and also by the fact that I am getting turned on. For this type of ritual to work, you must not see smoking as forbidden and I think I clearly still do. That said- I have not given up on the idea of smoking in moderation- because I do believe it can be done. And technically it is what I am doing right now… although I think I am taking moderation to the extreme.
This is generally the reaction people have to individuals that smoke lightly or not even daily. I think it is partially because of the anti-smoking propaganda- smoking is highly addictive, as addictive as heroin therefore if you are a smoker you probably do it everyday, multiple times a day otherwise- what kind of smoker are you? A not very committed one some might say…
March 16, 2009 at 12:32 pm
If you smoke as much as you enjoy, you are exercising moderation. A person who smokes more, or less, than that is trying to make a statement that has nothing to do with the enjoyment of smoking.
March 17, 2009 at 10:31 pm
By that definition, moderation could be any amount… but moderation is subjective.
I think the following quote sums up what you are saying:
Saint Augustine was wise when he said the following:
I think I would tend to agree with this, since it is easier to continue to not do something than it is to regulate an action.
But I think I am going to have more “fun” with moderation since I agree with this quote:
March 18, 2009 at 8:00 am
One of my neighbors makes a point of smoking only five a day. Of course, she doesn’t come up for air when she does smoke, but five a day makes her a light smoker in her (and her anti-smoking husband’s) mind. At the other end of the spectrum, I once heard a girl talking to her friend about how she needed to keep her smoking secret until she reached a pack a day, because at that point she would be a real smoker and her mother would have to accept it. This seems pathetically arbitrary and self destructive to me. If a person’s going to bother to take up smoking, why not do what feels right?
In your case, not smoking at all, or smoking too much, doesn’t feel right, so the range of your moderation is coming into view. This is a very good thing for you. I wonder, though, whether your range will be defined as a certain amount per day/week/month, or as a certain number of smoking days per month. Your smoking seems to be strongly cyclical- three weeks of indifference, one week of passion, three weeks of indifference- and perhaps this has something to do with your menstrual cycle. Women can become sexually aggressive in the days surrounding ovulation, since ovulation is a trigger to stop fantasizing about intercourse and actually do it. In your case, perhaps it is a trigger to stop fantasizing about smoking and actually do it.
I’m reaching a bit with this theory but it does seem to explain some facts. I know Vesperae will vaporize me for analyzing one’s passions, but since you can’t freely indulge your passion, it would be helpful to understand it so you can anticipate its rhythms.
March 18, 2009 at 9:32 am
I think I mentioned this awhile ago. My desire to smoke seems closely linked to my sexual desire, so I think this could be a valid hypothesis. Although I don’t think my desire to smoke is directly linked to the day of ovulation, but more so just the days surrounding it.
It is also highly influenced by how cold it is outside. Like right now- no one is home, good opportunity to have one, but then I look at the temperature and think- hmmm maybe not. So I suppose we could see an increase in my smoking in the summer. Although spring looks as though it might never come here right now.
Something else I have noticed- I also crave cigarettes rather intensely when I am in a bad mood. This is the only time I have clearly noticed a disconnect between my smoking and sex. I think this could be because nicotine does have some anti-depressant properties so it would make sense that I would crave to do it when I am feeling low. Actually- that is partially what triggered the end of the fast. Boredom does it sometimes too… especially the one class I was taking. Without fail during that class I would always feel like smoking even during my three weeks of indifference. I think that was because I was so bored it was the most interesting thing my mind could think of doing. The cravings usually passed shortly after class was over.
I’m not immune to withdrawal either, although my symptoms are less intense/ more psychological but seem to be timed almost exactly two days after the last cigarette. From what I have read, it takes about two days for all the nicotine to completely clear the system. Most recently- I experienced this Monday, quite unfortunately while I was writing my exam. I brought it on myself, though, with all the smoking I did this weekend. I smoked two on Saturday- which marks the first day I’ve had more than one. But if I do not smoke on this magical craving day the next day I’m back to not craving it at all which is what I decided to do since the last thing I need is to be thinking about is smoking during another exam.
March 16, 2009 at 9:49 am
I’m not really an outsider. I consider myself lucky though to have experienced smoking, quite a bit and all sorts of things, and yet managed to get away from it later to avoid the chronic health problems. I say luck because it just sort of happened that way. I don’t think willpower alone or decision to quit would have been enough. Not for me. Some few people can walk away after some exposure and I was able to.
About discouraging others that’s not really my point. I’m more into asking pain in the ass questions just to get to something deeper. With my actual lovers I’ve done quite a bit of encouraging to smoke, for my viewing pleasure. I’ve coaxed, suggested, outright asked, all of the above at different times. Sometimes successful, sometimes didn’t want to push the issue. But all the while I’ve been able to enjoy watching without smoking myself.
March 16, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I think that there’s a significant difference between appreciating someone else’s smoking, and appreciating your own. Enjoying your own smoking, especially from a fetish standpoint, is intense and personal- perhaps too much so for some people.
To be able to inhale this smoke into your own lungs, and savor it and say it is good, is a point most never reach and most never understand, and there are many valid reasons why. Mainly, I think that a fetishist is somehow able to overcome his/her fear and learns to relish the risk, the rebellion, the whatever of it all. A fetishist has the unique ability to sublimate, or convert, the negative influences into a profound sexual thrill. In the end, then, a fetishist never experiences a truly negative experience, because he/she can make even the negative aspects a positive experience.
This is how a fetish can become absorbing or obsessive, since there are really no brakes on this car, just a gas pedal. But if that’s the car you’ve been given, you learn to enjoy driving it.
March 16, 2009 at 1:17 pm
No brakes, eh? I think I am starting to know that feels like… sigh.
And you are contributing a lot today- not that I mind. I’m trying to study, rather unsuccessfully.
March 16, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I’ll shut up now. It’s just that for the first time in two months I have the time to actually think, and today’s discussion was interesting.
March 16, 2009 at 3:20 pm
No worries… I enjoy your contribution. You’ve made many interesting points that I might go back and answer when I have time to think.
March 26, 2009 at 3:29 am
Here’s a link to watch Kristen Stewart smoking (instead of just still photos):
http://www.poptv.com/2009/01/21/smoking-kristen-stewart-at-sundance/
Scroll down a bit until you get to her link.
EDIT- I just changed the link so that it brings you right to the video. 🙂 Thanks for that, Smokefan.