Random Thoughts about Renting
I’m currently looking for a new place to live and I have been entertaining the thought of potentially getting an apartment where smoking is permitted. The thing is, they are few and far between. I am looking forward to not having roommates though. Actually the search for an apartment has been interesting. I’ve seen all sorts of things regarding smoking and renting to smokers. Some places are “smoking permitted”. Others are “smoking allowed outside only”. One ad went as far to say no smoking on property or on street outside of property as houses are close together and smoking will bother neighbors. I’m wondering if the landlord has had past problems with smokers or complaints from the neighbors. That seems extremely prejudice, not to mention I’m sure as long as you are more than 5 meters from people’s doorways and not actually on their property they cannot stop you from smoking. My landlord is a doctor and allows smoking “outside only” which is fine I think, seeing as you are renting the place and do not own it. Some ads want non-smokers, although I’m not sure how they ensure that you are not a said smoker. Especially someone like me- who smokes occasionally. I could be the very picture of a non-smoker (at least outwardly in scent) when I go to meet them to see the place. After all, I haven’t smoked in about a month. But who knows about the future?
For me, I honestly do not see a problem with landlords deciding whether or not they want smokers inside their places. To me that is on par with landlords deciding whether they want to rent to people with dogs or cats. But restricting outside smoking? Well, just their attitude would make me avoid renting from them because someone that gets irritated or thinks the neighbors are irritated by a person smoking on the street in front of the house, will probably be the type to complain about how loud your car is or its black exhaust or anything else that they deem to be “irritating”.
Part of me wants to avoid renting a place in which I could smoke should I choose because then I will be more tempted to do it and would probably end up doing it more often. Living in places where smoking is not permitted really keeps me from indulging more frequently because I have to do it outside. I wonder if it is a little bit of self-sabotage (or self-protection?) that I stop myself from renting a place where I could comfortably smoke indoors. Quite honestly, I will probably end up picking a place that is affordable and it will have nothing to do with the “smoking permitted” or “not permitted” status of the building. Just daydreaming a bit about what it might be like to have a smokey place of my own.
Very good point. I never thought about how that might be something you or anyone has to consider and the resulting implications. It almost seems like a little fork in the road for you and in a way making you choose definitively. Almost like the climax of the story you’ve been telling in this blog (well maybe just a little climax in the grand scheme). You’ve got me wondering what will happen in the rest of the story!
Just something I was randomly thinking about whilst looking for apartments. Although, I’m leaning towards one that is “smoking not permitted”. The lease is too long on the “smoking permitted”one. And there are other complications… like potentially moving in with the boyfriend. But that is a long story, not really for here.
What are the chances that if you don’t take a “smoking permitted” apartment that you’ll regret it?
I’ll never forget having my own apartment for the first time, and the freedom of being able to experiment and enjoy smoking in complete privacy, and at my own leisurely pace…
OTOH, if want to create a strong disincentive against entertaining your smoking urges, going with a “smoking not permitted” apartment will certainly accomplish that.
I might very well regret it, but maybe not. I’m not actually sure at this point. Things are moving along nicely with the boyfriend, so much so that I am not sure that I would really care if I never got to “play” a little before settling down. But then again, there is no way of knowing how I will feel years from now.
Play a little before settling down. I made the mistake of settling down too quickly after my divorce and now I am with a nonsmoker and that is the one thing I wish I could change. It’s just food for thought. I wish I could smoke in front of her of if she was a smoker, smoke with her. What bliss that would be! Then again, I love her, so would I change anything necessarily, probably not. “But then again, there is no way of knowing how I will feel years from now.” I’m just sayin’. lol
Repression is a funny thing. It can work perfectly for decades, and then suddenly…
It stops.
And everything that you’ve repressed up to that point will suddenly flood to the surface.
I don’t mean to sound so grim, but it sounds a little like you’ve measured your SF for a box, and you’ve picked out a nice spot in the backyard to bury it in.
Beware of Zombies.
Well, nice thing is that if you really want a space all to yourself to experiment and enjoy some smoking, you can always get the occasional smoking hotel or motel room. Maybe one day you can even convince the boyfriend to join you.
Since you have some concerns around moderating yourself, the non-smoking option would probably serve you best, though I suppose having a non-smoking boyfriend would also moderate you to some degree even in a smoking-allowed apartment, assuming he was over at your place on a regular basis.
Hi CF
Don’t have any experience renting a place on my own but I have lived in quite a few apartments over the last 10 years (at Uni and since), I’d say about half were with smokers and half with non-smokers, and I definitely ended up smoking a lot more (on my own inmy room or when the others were out) when I was living with smokers. In fact I don’t think I smoked at all in the non-smoking flats. So in that respect I think you will be tempted a lot more (and end up smoking more) if you end up in an apartment where smoking is permitted. So I think you should go for the non-smoking place
On another note the government here (Ireland) has just passed a law banning any displays of cigarettes at all in shops. We’re the first country in Europe to do it, (we were also the first country in the world to ban smoking in bars (on a national level)) It was really striking the first time I noticed – behind shop counters where the cigarette packets used to be visble is now a black blind with a message printed on it saying something like “if you can’t see what you’re looking for please ask” Just seen Canada (you’re from Canada right ?) and Iceland are the other countries to have done it.
I was thinking with no smoking in public places, no cigarette advertising, no displays in shops and little smoking on TV, depending on who you mix with on a daily basis, you could now go days at a time without seeing any visual evidence of smoking at all. I think this could hit sales even more than the smoking in public ban
btw are you still running ?
I’ve gone with a non-smoking place mainly because when it comes right down to it, the place was far more affordable. I’m pretty sure I would have ended up smoking more in a place where it was permitted, but not being able to at home has never stopped me.
Am I running? Not as much as I would like, but I’m not smoking either so really I have no scapegoat but my lazy self to blame. I’m starting to run again soon and surprisingly, I was swimming a lot just my last smoking binge.
As for the new bans on cigarette displays in stores, they are merely annoying, but I think that they will probably still result in a decrease in sales for new smokers. It is far more intimidating going up to ask for cigarettes when you have no idea what you are asking for and have to ask them to lift the covers first.
I think from a purely physiological point of view swimming is the ultimate exercise, much better than running – low impact (few injuries – have you got tendonitis from running yet ?) and tones and works virtually your whole body. But running has advantages too of course
interesting you say “Am I running? Not as much as I would like, but I’m not smoking either so really I have no scapegoat”
This reminds me of a question I asked you back in March that you didn’t answer
about how deciding to smoke can influence other parts of your life in a negative way.
You are doing something premeditatedly that you know is wrong. This can start to eat into other aspects of your life, and away from smoking it gets much easier to no longer do the right thing in other aspects oif your life.
Looking through some older posts I think Dan makes some excellent points in the comments after your “the fast is over” entry
In that same entry you say Disraeli’s “The choicest pleasures of life lie within the ring of moderation.” trumps St Augustine’s “Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.”
Come on ! I like Disraeli’s quote about statistics “three types of lies…” but here he is making an almost Wildean capricious comment, its not serious philosophy. Next you’ll be living your life according to the quips of Oscar himself ! Augustine is right – the first temptation is the easiest to resist. The further in you go the more difficult it is to get out. And you do want to get out (at some stage) – that much is clear from your postings.
Finally your comment “I don’t believe (or feel) that Vesperae is trying to pressure me smoke, even through subtle comments that make it seem like it is an inevitability. She has made it clear to me that she wants me to make my own choice- whatever that might be. I am aware of her bias- but I don’t feel like she is trying to push me in a certain direction with it.”
This really worries me – please, please, please tell me you are being disingenuous !
Ross,
Vesperae may subtly be applying pressure to encourage C.F. to smoke. Or she may not. It is equally likely, I think, that Vesperae would like C.F. not to force herself to avoid something that it is her right and choice to do (and that she may enjoy). It’s a thin line between encouraging people to do “bad” and encouraging them to not deny themselves in a surface attempt to seem “good.”
But you know, I don’t know Vesperae personally. I do know that C.F. is a grown person who can make her own choices, good or bad. And it’s clear that you have an “agenda” just as much as Vesperae does. Don’t fool yourself that you don’t. You have good intentions, sure, but that doesn’t mean Vesperae intentions are bad…just different than your own.
In the end, it’s C.F.’s path to tread, whether she smokes or not (or how much she does)…and she has plenty of good reasons and motivators to choose either path.
You seem to be applying a rather strong value judgment to smoking…that it is BAD and that doing it will lead to making other BAD choices. At least that’s what I’m taking away from your comments and I don’t think that’s a healthy attitude nor a logical argument.
I never used the word “pressure” referring to Vesperae, or even mentioned her name. But since it has come up again, in my original post I said that there were some posters on here who would get a kick out of CF smoking and who would be (subconsciously or consciously) trying to encourage her to keep it up. Do I think Vesperae is one of these posters ? Yes. Is she the only one ? No. Subject closed for me, I’ve said my piece.
Not sure about me having an agenda – I don’t have any vested interest in her smoking or not smoking. I’d like her not to and have tried to put forward an argument as to why she should stop. But it will make no tangible difference to me either way People with a SF do have a vested interest – continued sexual kicks (at her expense) reading her blog.
“You seem to be applying a rather strong value judgment to smoking”
I absolutely do apply a strong value judgement to smoking – its going to kill her if she continues for God’s sake. Is that not enough for you ?
Ross,
My concern is the rather extreme assumptions and judgements you are making.
Smoking can have many negative consequences, this is true. But it doesn’t uniformly harm or kill and it doesn’t automatically lead to other bad choices, as you suggest. Moreover, at the rate that CF seems to smoke, it’s rather much for you to declare it’s going to kill her. Regular smoking isn’t a death sentence (though it is a risky choice); very modest or very occasional smoking isn’t any different than any other “vice” that once partakes of moderately. CF seems to be AWFULLY moderate in her smoking. And goes long periods between smoking.
I’m a little tired of the anti-smoking arguments that declare ANY amount of smoking to be the end of the road for a person. It’s hyperbolic and ridiculous.
I also take exception to the notion that we’re getting a kick at CF’s “expense.” Nobody forces her to blog; what she puts out there is what she chooses to; no one here is using her maliciously. And while some may encourage her to smoke or have some internal desire to know she’s smoking, that’s not all of us. I don’t get a hard-on reading her posts, myself. I gain knowledge and persepctive, as I do with non-fetish blogs as well. Also, she also has a non-smoking boyfriend she loves, so I tend to think she has more payoff there than she gets here, and plenty of encouragement there not to take up heavy smoking.
You’re entitled to your opinions. But some of your statements are just as bad as those who might encourage her to smoke unfettered.
And, at that, I will leave off further commentary on this.
Ross -
My only intention with CF – and with anyone who has ever said “I have a SF, but I wish I didn’t” – is to encourage her to be really, really honest with herself. That’s it.
I’m like so…* E V I L * !
V
Oh the drama that occurs when I have no time or access to post replies!
First, at no time have I ever been disingenuous in my replies. I truly believe Vesperae is not pressuring me to smoke. If she is, then she is not doing a very good job, because I am not smoking. Encouraging me not to try and stuff my fetish away in some box in my closet, where it was lurking before, yes. Encouraging me to have a more psychologically healthy relationship with my fetish, yes. Encouraging me not to demonize myself because I happen to have a non-mainstream sexual kink, yes.
I actually do not believe that smoking makes me or anyone else a bad person. It is not an evil act unto itself. Society has demonized it to the point that people start to think: to smoke is bad and will lead to other bad things. I do not think so. I had periods of time pre-entertaining my fetish that I stopped running. It was not the smoking or entertaining the fetish that caused a pause in the running. Part of the problem, in your comments Ross, is you are not dealing with the whole picture of me. Only what I have chosen to share, and that picture is incomplete. You see me as being a wholesome, undamaged girl that is blindly stumbling down a dark path and think that I will pass the point of no return without noticing. Truth is, I’m walking through all this with my eyes wide open. I do not think I am naive as you think, despite the fact that I am young.
I truly believe that the fetish only has as much power over you as you give it. To be quite honest, to do what you are suggesting, completely abstain from anything fetish related, smoking etc. would only strengthen the taboo on it. Greater the taboo, the greater the thrill in breaking in, or at least in what I can see. So that would be counter productive, because I think that is partially why I obsessed over it for quite some time. To do that again, would only lead to similar breakdowns in the future. I no longer obsess because I’ve accepted it. I’m still not at peace completely with the whole “to smoke or not to smoke bit” but my mind is at peace most of the time with my current decision. My decision to not smoke now goes beyond surface attempts to “seem good” which quite frankly would not provide enough motivation for me to not smoke or at least not anymore. I think that is why it is easier now than it was before. But because of my fetish it would be silly to resolve to be smoke-free for the rest of my life. Why? Number one reason: saying that I am just setting myself up for failure, because at some point I probably will fail, but the catharsis of breaking my own self-created taboo against my own smoking fetish will probably turn me on more than anything else.
I’m not sure I want out… or rather I think I already am out. I feel like I have unlocked the prison my mind was in, opened the box- perhaps Pandora style. The fetish will not go back in the box and further, I fear that even if I did manage to stuff it back in, I think that it would only strengthen it.
Sigh… I’m done for tonight.