Maybe not so weird…

Like I have mentioned before, I’ve had a smoking fetish since before I knew what I fetish was. As you might imagine, this could be pretty distressful for a young person to go through. I mean, every time I thought of smoking, I would get aroused except I didn’t know why I was getting aroused. I honestly still don’t know why watching other people smoke, gets me going. If someone were to ask me to explain, I’d have the lamest explanation. “Uh, I think it looks cool…” Or if they happen to look like they are enjoying the cigarette I seem to get more aroused. I can understand a bit more why a guy might have a smoking fetish. I mean you could probably draw the parallels yourself- cigarette somewhat phallic, girl sucking on cigarette, you get the picture. But why me, a woman, would find it attractive? I’ve got nothing.

My favorite theory that I have read so far was proposed by Donald Winnicott. The wiki on sexual fetishes seems to be pretty well written and that is where I got the following:

In 1951, Donald Winnicott presented his theory of transitional objects and phenomena, according to which childish actions like thumb sucking and objects like cuddly toys are the source of manifold adult behavior, amongst many others fetishism. [5]

The use of a transitional object in infanthood is a healthy experience (Winnicott, 1953). To understand the origin of a fetish object and of fetishism, the infant’s use of the transitional object and of transitional phenomena in general must be studied (Winnicott, 1953).
In his article ‘Transitional objects and phenomena’, Winnicott says about fetish: “Fetish can be described in terms of a persistence of a specific object or type of object dating from infantile experience in the transitional field, linked with the delusion of a maternal phallus” (Winnicott, 1953).

In other words, a specific object or type of object, dating from an experience during the period where the mother gradually pulls back as an immediate provider of satisfaction of the child’s desires, persists as a characteristic in adult sexual life.
Before this transitional phase, the child believes that his own wish creates the object of his desire (specifically the qualities of his mother that fulfill his needs), which brings with it a sense of satisfaction. During this phase the child gradually adapts to the (frustrating) realization that the object cannot be controlled to serve the child’s needs.

The transitional object is always the result of a gratifying relationship with the mother, specifically with the maternal body. It stands for the satisfying qualities that the object (the mother) of the first relationship the child has. The child adapts to the impact of the realization that the mother is not always there to ‘bring the world to him’ through fantasizing about the object of his desire while using an object (a teddy bear, a piece of cloth). He creates an illusion of the previous object. In relation to the transitional object the infant passes from (magical) omnipotent control to control by manipulation (involving muscle eroticism and co-ordination pleasure).

In opposition to this, the fetish represents the impossibility of pleasure with the body of the mother. The transitional object may eventually develop into a fetish object and so persist as a characteristic of the adult sexual life (Winnicott, 1953). Normally, the child gains from the experience of frustration during the transitional phase, although the infant can be disturbed by a close adaptation to need that is continued too long or is not allowed its natural decrease.”

I mean I had a blanket that I used to carry around and suck for the first 5 or 6 years of my life. I wouldn’t be without my blanky. So if I am understanding this theory properly, I should have a blanket fetish, not a smoking fetish. I guess, since both my mom and Dad (who was my primary caregiver) during my first few years of life both smoked when I was little so maybe it was an association with my parents. Was it because they let me suck on my blanket for too long?

Who knows? I’m a little sad I didn’t develop a blanket fetish instead. It would be a lot healthier and maybe even something I would be willing to share with people. Instead I got stuck with the smoking fetish- which in a world that is primarily non-smoking, combined with the fact that smoking is deadly is a pretty crappy hand to be dealt.