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Nicotine Daydreams

October 23, 2014

I smoked for the first time today since July. I had a pipe and it was every bit as amazing as thought it would be.We have been having amazing fall weather and it simply demanded a pipe. I am super glad I never went too far down the road of smoking habitually as I think it is the fact that I haven’t that allows me to dabble without struggle.

I found this articles on quitting and I related to it completely. In fact, I think it is the best advice I have ever read on how to quit smoking.

http://www.xojane.com/healthy/im-not-supposed-be-revealing-heres-how-i-finally-quit-smoking

I think this is precisely what I had to do when coming to terms with my fetish and my desire to smoke. Once I stopped telling myself I couldn’t smoke, experimented with exercising my right to smoke and choice to smoke, I realized I didn’t want to smoke all the time. I realized I would always want to smoke because deep down I love smoking and that is what makes me a smoker. Sometimes people try to tell me I’m not a smoker, because I don’t smoke often enough or have never smoked habitually. I disagree. I feel like I could have easily become a regular smoker with a few different choices. I chose not to.

I know it is a choice because I have jars full of tobacco (properly sealed for freshness of course) that go unsmoked the majority of the time. I also don’t always smoke when I want to but this isn’t some painful “youcan’tsmokerightnowbecauseyouaretryingnottosotheonlythingyouwanttodoissmoke” kind of desire or craving. It is more of a hmmm I want a cigarette (or pipe) right now, being one with this desire and then choosing not to have anything.

This is the first sober smoke I’ve had in quite some time and I forgot how different and pleasant it feels. I do tend to choose to smoke more often when I have been drinking.

So if you are trying to quit, become one with your desire. Own it. Because your cravings will come and I can tell you first hand that telling yourself that you can’t have a cigarette is a trip to the most intense of psychological cravings you will ever experience. And after the physical withdrawal is over (about 48 hours) it is all psychological craving. I would know. They are pretty much the only type I experience. My cravings are far less intense now that I have embraced choice.

You have a choice. That makes all the difference.

2013 in review

December 31, 2013

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog. Thought I would share this with you folks. Thanks readers for making it the biggest year of this blog, despite me not posting very often. Hope everyone has a great 2014!

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 39,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 14 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Anti-Social Smoking Campaign

December 24, 2013

Tis the season of celebration and potential social smoking. Looks like the government sees social smoking as the last realm to target. I’m not sure this approach will work despite how funny this is. 

People who social smoke are fully aware of the risk. In fact in most circles, there is nothing cool about social smoking. People that accept the fact that you do yes. People that raz you about it. Everyone I know who social smokes, it is because they like smoking. There is already too much pressure on society against smoking for people to do it for any other reason. Maybe if you are under the age of 18, you might be smoking to be cool with your friends. But certainly not at my age. 

To me, it seems like this ad was written by someone with no idea as to why someone would ever want to smoke. They don’t understand the appeal, therefore of course social smoking is as ridiculous as any of these other behaviours. 

I’ll let you be the judge:http://www.upworthy.com/cannot-stop-laughing-never-have-i-seen-such-a-clever-parody-of-social-smoking-2

I won’t be quitting my social smoking any time soon as a result. But I could, if I wanted to, but I don’t want to… So clearly I’m a slave to my very occasional smoking habit. I jest… But that is how ridiculous I found this campaign. Happy holidays and happy social or not so social smoking!

A Closet is no Place for Anyone to Live

December 16, 2013

I watched this video not too long ago and it reminded me of the hard conversation I once had to have with my love. The hard conversation of letting him know of my less than conventional sexual interest. I love her message and it is worth a look for anyone who has ever had to have a hard conversation with someone. The little girl’s response reminds me of how my boyfriend reacted. It was a much bigger deal to me than it was to him.

Puff of Heaven and update

November 30, 2013

Puff of Heaven and update

Found this new blog called puff of heaven and so far I’m finding it to be an interesting read. If you like my blog, you’ll probably like it. As for me, I figured I should post an update. I rely pretty heavily on the emails from WordPress to let me know if people have commented and for some reason all of the email from WordPress was going into my Spam folder. So I apologize to those of you posting legit comments in the past few months that your comments have only been approved now. To those of you posting ads disguised as comments, I have politely declined. That said, despite my complete absence of posting, lots of people are still reading. In fact, in November, I had the biggest number of hits ever. The only other day that compared was when I was actively posting and I posted: http://closetfascination.wordpress.com/2009/01/11/completely-normal-and-yet-not/ . Weird how internet traffic works sometimes.

As for me smoking, I’ve gotten back into smoking pipes. I’ve smoked twice in the month of November. My boyfriend has been collecting has picked up my new favourite pipe. The Peterson Churchwarden. It gives such a consistently awesome smoke that after two smokes, I fell back in love with pipe smoking. It could also have to do with the fact that my boyfriend bought my favourite kind of tobacco and I’m getting so much better at packing it and puffing it in such a way that it doesn’t go out or smoke really hot. We also introduced a couple of friends to the joys of pipe smoking. Both were already cigar or cigarette dabblers so I didn’t feel like I was introducing a total tobacco virgin to the art of pipe smoking. My one friend loved it. Her feelings post pipe smoking were those of happiness, joy and loving the world. Based on this report, it is not surprising that Aboriginal smoke tobacco as part of their spiritual ceremonies. She confessed to me, naughty glint in her eye, that she liked it more than she should.But I would argue that most of us who have grown up in this anti-tobacco society who try tobacco and like it feel like this at some point. I know that is one of the first things I thought when I was experimenting as a teen. I like this more than I should. Smoking is bad. I like this more than I should. Those thoughts are also what started my paranoia about getting addicted. Since ridding myself of those irrational thoughts I have been able to enjoy my smoking when I do it much more.

Those of you aching for more posts, I’m not sure how much more I will post. I really should finish the fiction story, but as far as my own life and smoking it is kind of boring. I don’t mean that I am bored with it. Every time I smoke I get just as much pleasure and enjoyment as before. I truly appreciate tobacco. What I mean is that I started this blog to deal with the cognitive dissonance I was having about my reoccurring obsessive thoughts about smoking. Fast forward five years- I no longer have cognitive dissonance surrounding smoking. I’m mostly out of the proverbial “closet” as most of my friends know that I smoke occasionally. Unfortunately, my current at peaceness really stifles most of my inspiration to write. So the best you can hope for is an occasional update such as this one.

I do enjoy that I have a few friends that I can smoke with. My friend joked that there might be gifts of tobacco soon, which I would welcome. The social part of smoking is the best part. I’ve reached a lovely equilibrium with smoking where I neither obsess nor deny myself the pleasures of tobacco. And that my friends is awesome.

The Allure of Smoking

March 17, 2013

This article describes the allure of smoking perfectly: Smoking Solidarity

Quality and Brands

February 24, 2013

With every measure out there to prevent me from smoking, the hardest part is finding a good brand of cigarettes to smoke. No seriously, it is difficult. Here is why:
1) Nobody smokes anymore. Why? Because it is bad for you and there is huge stigma against smokers. The people who do smoke hide it so you almost never see what brand they smoke. If they are a budget conscious hard-core smoker they likely smoke cheap budget brands that taste as bad as they smell. When I smoked last summer, the first cigarette I had was some iteration of a Benson and Hedges but it was dark, I never saw the pack so I will never know what they were unless I get the chance to ask my friend sometime. I don’t see her very often and she is currently pregnant and probably not smoking. All I know is they had a nice flavor without being harsh and weren’t so strong that I couldn’t handle them, even though I don’t smoke very often. It will be like searching for the holy grail, if and when I decide to buy another pack.

2) There are no cigarette ads anymore.
That is pretty self explanatory- the pack itself is pretty much the cigarette’s only form of advertising. And people hide their packs because they don’t want people to know they smoke

3) Packs are hidden from view even at the point of sale. Unless you go to a tobacconist.

4) Cigarettes now have a confusing colour system instead of using words like light or mild. Is black stronger than gold? Is sapphire stronger than green? Actually, I wouldn’t mind the colour system if I could find reliable information on what the cigarettes are like.

Long story short, all of the above are barriers to me purchasing good cigarettes. The only thing I know for sure from my last purchase is cheap
cigarettes are meh. Alright when I’m intoxicated, but even then I could tell they were not very good. Next time, I’m going for quality over price because if I’m going to inhale toxic fumes into my lungs, it better be delicious tasting. So far, cigarette reviews on YouTube seem to be the best source of information regarding strength, flavor and smell.

Rant done. Until next time…

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